The Night Before-

Tonight is hard. Hopefully, there will be no more posts like this. Tomorrow is Cora's surgery and that's a very good thing. I have felt so awful leaving Cora like this the last few days but the alternatives seemed lousy. Have her amputation as an emergency surgery, not a planned one. Or have her go under anesthetic to get stitched up only to go under it again a few days later for the amputation. I've hated the options.

This evening, I was trying to clean Cora up a bit and I think I accidentally broke a scab. I got a  nip on the shin as  a result, but that’s nothing compared to how awful I felt. Not that there was much of a scab. It’s mostly an open wound and whenever I see it I feel bad and neglectful. I have never seen Cora lick or mouth her stump, but I’m wondering why it keeps getting worse. Is she doing something when she’s in the kennel, or is it just because she’s constantly moving the stump and bumping it?  I guess none of that matters. Tomorrow is surgery and this should get better. Tonight she is having troubles sleeping. She is out for a bit and then I hear her give a quiet whine.  I want her to be out of pain.

This is what Cora looks like tonight: I'm putting it as a link, as the wound on her stump is pretty obvious. I was trying to get a photo of her sleeping.

On Being More Cora

When I first adopted Cora, it wasn't because I thought she was sweet or cute. It was because her need was so great. For quite some time that  was the basis of our relationship. As we grew to know each other that changed.I got to know her quirks and she got to know mine. She found out I like it when she leans against me and I found that she liked to have her ears rubbed.  In the last week or two our relationship has changed again. Cora's stump has gotten progressively worse since she injured it 10 days ago. It's extremely painful to her. I keep wanting to help and fix and feeling frantic when I can't. As much as  I want to help, Cora is showing me how to cope. When I let her be, gets on with her life. She's playing when she's up to it. She's exploring and getting into mischief. When she can't, she sleeps.

Cora is doing more than just coping. She's growing. In the last week or so, she's finally mastered something that comes easy for dogs. She can eat her food out of her bowl without struggle. I know, it sounds like such a small thing. Here's how it goes, first she has to find the bowl. She can't see it but she can smell the food. She can hear it going in. In the past, Cora would get so excited her brain would shut down. She knew it was there and would just crash around making things harder, sometimes knocking over the bowl, because she couldn't be calm enough to use her senses and search. Now she's at the bowl and the smell is overpowering and she's hungry and she doesn't have much of any sense of feeling on her muzzle. So, not only can she not see the food that's not there, she can't feel it hitting her lips. So she would often accidentally push food away while trying to bite it and again, frustration would take over and she'd flail and push herself completely away from the bowl. But the last few days I've put the food in the bowl, she's run up to it and quickly guzzled it down.

I look at the damage to her stump and feel sick, but then I see Cora's strength and she gives me strength. I feel so awful about the current situation. That Cora is going to have a second amputation but I also feel blessed. I am sharing life with a being of amazing will power and desire to live. I am sharing my life with a being who can love  and fight tenaciously.  I am sharing my life with Cora the Determined.

Outside Adventures, Halter-free and Nap Time

Last night we had a success and fail. Cora hasn't been wearing a halter because it causes her pain when it touches her stump. I thought I'd try again, and last night I put it on her. Major success. She didn't complain at all. This is a huge victory, because she has always complained about having her halter on. In fact, in the past she did more than complain, she actively resisted. Teaching her words like "halter on" and rewarding her a lot is helping. She went outside and things were going well until it was time to come in. She hasn't yet mastered coming back to the house so I tried to lead her back in by holding the halter. This is our usual technique. However, she started crying immediately in obvious pain so the halter came off. I can guide her without the halter, but it's slower and I can't support her if she stumbles.

However, the pain meds are definitely helping Cora feel somewhat better. Cora spent a couple hours exploring the yard today. I felt guilty leaving her out so long, but when I tried to bring her in, by leash not halter, she put on the breaks. She is stubborn. With the halter I can "coax" her a long fairly easily, but I can't pull her forward on the leash. Besides being a bad approach, it would jerk her forward onto her stump. It took much coaxing, prodding, nudging, pleading, muttering and determination but Cora is finally inside and trying to settle into a nap.

Time to raise funds... Cora needs surgery :(

Cora was having a rough time when I last posted and it got worse. Cora's stump developed a seroma (fluid build up)and then it became infected. So Monday it was off the vet. She wouldn't let me put the halter on her. She didn't want to walk. She didn't want to be held. She was in so much pain and miserable and it was a very rough experience.

I got Cora calmed down and carried her into the vet.  The vets had to put Cora under anesthesia and clean the wounds and suture and put in a drain. It turns out you shouldn't leave a stump on a front leg. That's the quicker way to amputate so when Cora was a stray at a shelter that's what they did. The reason you don't leave a stump is there's not enough tissue to protect it if you fall., so injuries like Cora's can occur.

Two days later we went back to the vet. Cora keeps aggravating the injury and she pulled the drain out. The vet and I are both very worried that it's not going to heal because she keeps banging it. And even if it does heal there's a good chance that Cora would go through this again in the future.

So, the best long term solution for Cora is surgery. She needs to have her stump amputated. I am going to begin some serious fund raising. The vet said it  would cost about $2,000.00. I'll spend a day or two thinking about this, but I don't want to wait to long. I watch Cora fall and bump that  stump over and over. I hear her cries. I don't want her to deal with this pain longer than she has to.

Cora's Bad Days

I try to focus on the positive and with Cora’s progress, there is plenty to focus on. Today, however, has been one of those days when I wonder about Cora’s quality of life and whether I can do this. I hesitate to talk about times like this, but maybe that’s wrong. Most people do not celebrate when they see their dog wagging its tail or when their dog picks up a toy. What gives meaning to Cora’s accomplishments is who she is and the struggles she has.

A couple days ago Cora fell. This is not unusual. I think it will always be a part of her life. Being a tripawd is hard enough, but when you are also blind and have coordination problems, falling down is inevitable. Cora typically reacts by getting angry or by simply getting up and continuing on. When Cora fell a few days ago, I knew it was different. Even before she started screaming, I’d heard the sickening loud thunk. I was at Cora’s side almost immediately and she was crying, hunkered over and bleeding. She had landed hard on her stump and it was bloody and bruised. My tough, independent girl wanted me to hold and calm her.

She was unhappy the rest of the day and I mostly kept her sleeping.  Yesterday was better, except that she kept breaking the scab open. I thought today would be good for her. I’d be at work and she’d get to rest, in the kennel, and give her stump time to heal. I got home from work a bit late and she really needed out to potty. Typical dog stuff.

After that Cora became an angry, snapping, out of control dog. I’ve been bitten by Cora before. I’m working with the behaviorist and none of her bites have been serious, but obviously it’s not ok. I couldn’t calm her down. I couldn’t redirect her with treats. I was afraid for myself and overwhelmed by the barking and activity. I was worried and sad for Cora who seemed so unhappy. 

I sent Cora outside. She loves to be in the yard. Her barking quieted and she began to explore. I just brought her inside, an hour later; and she’s calm and manageable. There is no rulebook for this and the best I can do is not make any one moment, define who Cora is or how she will be.

Cora is Going on Prosac

Cora went to see a veterinary behaviorist. Dr Sung is pretty amazing. She's got a lot of experience and education in animal behavior. I was early and I was surprised when she greeted me at the door (no receptionist) and said we could get started. I almost said that Cora would do better if I could give her a little time out of the car to adjust but then I decided it might be good for her to see Cora stressed. I feel bad for Cora. Between being rushed inside and the small office she hit her stressed point. In other words she was awful- barking, defensive, and falling down. Dr Sung said it was good to see Cora at her worst.

Dr Sung spent time watching Cora and asked me a lot of questions. She did a really good job of listening to what I had to say about Cora. We spent about two hours together and I do believe she really understood a lot of Cora's issues. We talked about Cora's cognition. There's a disconnect, between what Cora senses and experiences and what she's able to execute. So she will hear my call her, and now generally where I am but launch off in the wrong direction. It creates a lot of frustration for her and I think she has a hard time thinking past that frustration.

Dr Sung was the first medical person to really grasp how big the eating issue is for Cora. Cora smells the food, she knows it's there. But she may actually have a lack of feeling in her nose and mouth area. If she does feel, it doesn't process to her brain well. So, imagine trying to eat finger food when you are blind and can't fully feel your fingers. This has made training Cora hard. If I try to use food treats to train her, I often just frustrate her. So, we are going to try soft foods for training. If the food isn't rolling away, and Cora just has to lick it, it may be easier for her to get.

We also talked about Cora's emotions. She's a very emotive dog. Or as the expert said "her emotions are all over the place." Clearly, Cora has all sorts of odd things happening with her neurology, so giving her some meds what will even her out and help with the frustration make sense. So, last night, Cora get her first dose of prosac. The risk is fairly low and it could have a big benefit. It will take weeks before we know. I am also supposed to talk to Cora more. Someone telling me to talk more. Whenever I touch her I am supposed to tell her what I'm doing and identify body parts. This will eventually make handling her easier. I'd been doing that, but now I have a much clearer idea how to do it. Cora has been quiet and mellow today. I don't know if that's because yesterday's visit wore her out, because of the prosac, the horrible weather or because her human is having a blah day. We've been given some more tools to make her life better and that's a good thing.

Cora Inspires Me

When I brought Cora home in the middle of January she could barely walk. When she did walk she only went in small, stumbling circles. She fell down constantly. She didn't play, wag her tail or even hold her tail up. She had troubles finding the food in her bowl or even taking food off my hand. It wasn't just that she couldn't see, it was that she had problems with the basic coordination of eating. She spent a lot of time frustrated or afraid. She had temper-tantrums and it wasn't always clear what set her off. She hated to be held and didn't seem interested in having a relationship with me.So many thing seemed to overwhelm her.

It has been amazing sharing this journey with her. Never has a tail wag meant so much to me, as it did the first time she wagged at the sound of my voice. Most of the dogs I've shared my life with me, would push against me wanting to be patted and cuddled. Cora mostly doesn't but when she walks up and leans against me it's a moment I cherish. I was excited the first time she panted, just a few weeks ago, because it was another skill gained. Her finding a bone on the floor and settling down to chew on it, is a victory I cheer.

Today is the second day I've come home from work and taken Cora for a walk. Such a normal dog activity and so amazingly wonderful. Not only did we walk, at times, Cora ran. Our walks are short in distance. There are frequent stops. Some are typical puppy attention span stops. Other stops are because she's stumbled or retreated into circling. But then we get moving again and that's why we are on this journey. Cora has such a strong spirit, and I am both in awe and inspired.

Cora is Sweet?

When people see pictures of Cora, they talk about how sweet she seems. I always laugh. Cora has her tender moments, but not many and mostly when she's asleep. When Cora is awake and in full play mode she's rather rowdy and loud.  When I'm trying to handle her, she is often mad and frustrated. None of this is sweet. And the truth is, I've been getting bit. I understand, she gets scared and frustrated. She feels threatened. I get all that, but I still need to handle her. I need to help lead her to the door to go out or in. I need to take her halter on and off.

The good news is, after lots of searching and dead ends, I've found a behaviorist. She got her degree in psychology and then in veterinary medicine and she understands how medical issues and disabilities impact behavior. So, we have an appointment on Friday.

And in spite of the biting, I still love Cora and hold out hope. Yesterday, while in town, we walked around the block. Several times she broke into a run!!! Other times she stopped suddenly and refused to move, nose to the ground. She is a puppy after all.

And now that the predisone has stopped the horrible itchiness she was having, she's actually sort of sweet.  She's a calmer and happier girl when she's not miserable. Soon she and I will be learning new ways to make her life manageable and safer for everyone.

About Cora

Everyone has a story and Cora’s is just beginning. Little is known about her first few months. Mom was a stray and Cora was one of many pups. Either in the womb or at birth things went very wrong for Cora. It may have been hypoxy, malnutrition, or something else, but Cora's development was greatly impacted. She started life blind, brain damaged and with a club foot. In spite of this she survived, beating the odds. In her first 3 months she was taken to the shelter with her litter mates, moved to a foster home and then on to surgery. She also found her voice and became a member of the “Darned Independent Women” club. She was loved and admired in her first foster home but she needed more. She came home, while still recovering from the amputation. It's amazing what she's learned in a short time. Even wagging her tail was an early victory. She sits on command (sometimes), plays rowdily, goes for short walks, an is full of mischief. She’s settled in at Critter Cabin and she’s now sharing life with a bunch of other rescues critters and one human. Almost everyone at Critter Cabin has some sort of challenge (except, perhaps) Fezz. Thanks for sharing the journey of Cora and her family.