Update on Cora and reflections on Trust

We've had our ups and downs at work. It has showed me how far she's come. I tried early on bringing her and she was loud and fretful the whole time and I thought my head might explode.. which would be messy. Th

ere were loud periods but mostly she was quiet and when she was loud, there was a reason- she needed to potty, a crying baby, pain med wearing off. Certainly there have been bits when she was stressed out. And she was completely terrified at  the sound of a step stool bumping against the door. The socialization at work is probably really good for her. She's meeting people and experiencing new things. Other then the dreaded step stool it's been manageable. And it's tired her out. She's a sleepy girl right now. We are both figuring out how to make this work and I will bring her again and take her other places too.

I have found that when I'm at work it's too long between pain meds for Cora. I saw a lot more of the familiar vocal and irritable Cora. At first, I was running home during my lunch break to give her pain meds but that is very rushed for her and I. So the past two days I've brought her to work with me.


Today, during lunch I drove to another office for a bit and when I got back to my office she was sound asleep in the car. Since it was nice and cool (but not cold) I left her. She slept through the maintenance crew power washing the cement and blowing away the grit. Then the thunder storm arrived. I decided to bring her inside. I got her out of the car and we were about to walk in and just that fast the storm was right on top of us. Knowing that our building has been hit by lightening before, I was ready to run. Cora, knowing she couldn't run quickly, hunkered down. I scooped her up and hurried us inside. Cora doesn't like to be carried

and being "scooped" would normally be a cause for great upset. This time, Cora had no complaints at all.

It surprises me a bit, when people sound all excited and say "she's starting to trust me.". I am already living in the world where I have her trust. It's not a perfect trust but few things are. We live this trust. She comes to me to be petted. I guide her when I need her to go someplace, and most of the time she cooperates. She is always going to be a stubborn girl, but she knows I take her where she wants to go mostly.  I have been patting her while she eats, putting on and off her harness, calming her fears and finding what she likes. I know her sounds. I know a growl the means, leave me alone and the growl that is her claiming to be fierce while she's leaning into my hand for touch. And Cora knows my ways. She knows the feel of my hand against her ears. She knows that  when the world is really frightening, I'm there sheltering her. My touch and voice calms her. She knows when I'm rushing her and not paying attention to her cues and she knows those times when she becomes the center of my universe. For two days after the surgery, Cora and I slept on the floor together. We lived and breathed her fear and confusion and then we began to explore the world without the painful front leg stump. She trusts me,  but what people aren't seeing is I trust her too. I've learned her ways and understand her growls and wags. Hopefully we have many years ahead to strengthening our understanding of each other.

Thoughts about Kindness and Blessings

Cora the day I brought her home.

Its one week since Cora’s amputation. Today hasn’t been as good a day for Cora, but she’s come so far in a short time. I'm going to get all philosophical because that's what happens when I'm tired. There are people who question putting all this effort into a dog (that dreaded statement “It's just a dog”), especially one with all her issues. What I've discovered dealing with her and the other needy critters is that she's not just a dog. She's a living being and kindness and care given to her is kindness and care being put into this world. I do believe, and have believed for a long time, that good deeds grow and spread. People see how anger and violence and stuff like that spreads because it's so visible. People don't always see the goodness because it doesn't scream out for attention because goodness isn't always visible.

I've always been a bit idealistic I guess. I have imagined myself as an activist, trying to change the world but

Cora happy in our yard

somewhere along the way I realized I'm more of a hobbit. I'm not really meant for big things, but I know how to celebrate life. I am glad I am doing good things for Cora and it hasn't been an easy path but for me it's so worth it. I got to give her tummy rubs a couple days ago and I felt like I'd been given a huge gift. This puppy who always guarded her stomach and couldn't stand touch, was sprawled out letting me rub her most vulnerable place. The pain that made her so defensive is healing finally. I'm being the gift of having nothing taken for granted. I still get excited when I see her tail wag, because it wasn't long ago she never wagged her tail. Maybe it's a blessing what I do for Cora but I think it's more I'm a part of a blessing -this opportunity to beat the odds, to hope and rejoice in every step, to feel the love, dedication and determination. I'm glad I can follow this path and am delighted when others can gain from Cora's journey.

Cora's Surgery

Cora's surgery went well!! It was a bit longer than expected which made me a nervous wreck. There is no longer a stump to be injured or cause pain. We decided to keep the scapula. My vet consulted with another surgeon to make sure that was the right choice as the scapula is often removed. Leaving it meant a lot less surgery for Cora. Where the stump was is now smooth and they took muscle and pulled it over the area so it's extra padded. The vet talked about how much less pain Cora will have now.

The first part of Cora's night after surgery was rough but really she's doing pretty well. She wanted me to be there touching her, so we slept on the floor together. She complains when she stands up or lays down but that isn't surprising to me. This morning she was doing really well. She's walking, eating, drinking and peeing! We went through another phase where she just wanted to lay there with me up against her and we settled on the porch. Every once in a while she would twitch her ears when a bird was singing. And then she started growling and I looked down at her and I had a giant mosquito biting my hand. Thanks for letting me know Cora.

She's walking very cautiously and uncertainly. She has not been circling at all like she used to. I am so curious to see how she does. How much will not having the stump change how she walks and functions. I'm hopeful for my tough girl.

The Night Before-

Tonight is hard. Hopefully, there will be no more posts like this. Tomorrow is Cora's surgery and that's a very good thing. I have felt so awful leaving Cora like this the last few days but the alternatives seemed lousy. Have her amputation as an emergency surgery, not a planned one. Or have her go under anesthetic to get stitched up only to go under it again a few days later for the amputation. I've hated the options.

This evening, I was trying to clean Cora up a bit and I think I accidentally broke a scab. I got a  nip on the shin as  a result, but that’s nothing compared to how awful I felt. Not that there was much of a scab. It’s mostly an open wound and whenever I see it I feel bad and neglectful. I have never seen Cora lick or mouth her stump, but I’m wondering why it keeps getting worse. Is she doing something when she’s in the kennel, or is it just because she’s constantly moving the stump and bumping it?  I guess none of that matters. Tomorrow is surgery and this should get better. Tonight she is having troubles sleeping. She is out for a bit and then I hear her give a quiet whine.  I want her to be out of pain.

This is what Cora looks like tonight: I'm putting it as a link, as the wound on her stump is pretty obvious. I was trying to get a photo of her sleeping.

On Being More Cora

When I first adopted Cora, it wasn't because I thought she was sweet or cute. It was because her need was so great. For quite some time that  was the basis of our relationship. As we grew to know each other that changed.I got to know her quirks and she got to know mine. She found out I like it when she leans against me and I found that she liked to have her ears rubbed.  In the last week or two our relationship has changed again. Cora's stump has gotten progressively worse since she injured it 10 days ago. It's extremely painful to her. I keep wanting to help and fix and feeling frantic when I can't. As much as  I want to help, Cora is showing me how to cope. When I let her be, gets on with her life. She's playing when she's up to it. She's exploring and getting into mischief. When she can't, she sleeps.

Cora is doing more than just coping. She's growing. In the last week or so, she's finally mastered something that comes easy for dogs. She can eat her food out of her bowl without struggle. I know, it sounds like such a small thing. Here's how it goes, first she has to find the bowl. She can't see it but she can smell the food. She can hear it going in. In the past, Cora would get so excited her brain would shut down. She knew it was there and would just crash around making things harder, sometimes knocking over the bowl, because she couldn't be calm enough to use her senses and search. Now she's at the bowl and the smell is overpowering and she's hungry and she doesn't have much of any sense of feeling on her muzzle. So, not only can she not see the food that's not there, she can't feel it hitting her lips. So she would often accidentally push food away while trying to bite it and again, frustration would take over and she'd flail and push herself completely away from the bowl. But the last few days I've put the food in the bowl, she's run up to it and quickly guzzled it down.

I look at the damage to her stump and feel sick, but then I see Cora's strength and she gives me strength. I feel so awful about the current situation. That Cora is going to have a second amputation but I also feel blessed. I am sharing life with a being of amazing will power and desire to live. I am sharing my life with a being who can love  and fight tenaciously.  I am sharing my life with Cora the Determined.

Outside Adventures, Halter-free and Nap Time

Last night we had a success and fail. Cora hasn't been wearing a halter because it causes her pain when it touches her stump. I thought I'd try again, and last night I put it on her. Major success. She didn't complain at all. This is a huge victory, because she has always complained about having her halter on. In fact, in the past she did more than complain, she actively resisted. Teaching her words like "halter on" and rewarding her a lot is helping. She went outside and things were going well until it was time to come in. She hasn't yet mastered coming back to the house so I tried to lead her back in by holding the halter. This is our usual technique. However, she started crying immediately in obvious pain so the halter came off. I can guide her without the halter, but it's slower and I can't support her if she stumbles.

However, the pain meds are definitely helping Cora feel somewhat better. Cora spent a couple hours exploring the yard today. I felt guilty leaving her out so long, but when I tried to bring her in, by leash not halter, she put on the breaks. She is stubborn. With the halter I can "coax" her a long fairly easily, but I can't pull her forward on the leash. Besides being a bad approach, it would jerk her forward onto her stump. It took much coaxing, prodding, nudging, pleading, muttering and determination but Cora is finally inside and trying to settle into a nap.

Time to raise funds... Cora needs surgery :(

Cora was having a rough time when I last posted and it got worse. Cora's stump developed a seroma (fluid build up)and then it became infected. So Monday it was off the vet. She wouldn't let me put the halter on her. She didn't want to walk. She didn't want to be held. She was in so much pain and miserable and it was a very rough experience.

I got Cora calmed down and carried her into the vet.  The vets had to put Cora under anesthesia and clean the wounds and suture and put in a drain. It turns out you shouldn't leave a stump on a front leg. That's the quicker way to amputate so when Cora was a stray at a shelter that's what they did. The reason you don't leave a stump is there's not enough tissue to protect it if you fall., so injuries like Cora's can occur.

Two days later we went back to the vet. Cora keeps aggravating the injury and she pulled the drain out. The vet and I are both very worried that it's not going to heal because she keeps banging it. And even if it does heal there's a good chance that Cora would go through this again in the future.

So, the best long term solution for Cora is surgery. She needs to have her stump amputated. I am going to begin some serious fund raising. The vet said it  would cost about $2,000.00. I'll spend a day or two thinking about this, but I don't want to wait to long. I watch Cora fall and bump that  stump over and over. I hear her cries. I don't want her to deal with this pain longer than she has to.